


Fifty Sketches

by koreIndian



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-17
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-11-29 15:52:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/688726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koreIndian/pseuds/koreIndian





	1. Dave Strider and Rose Lalonde arrive in front of a cafe

I. Dave Strider  and Rose Lalonde arrive in front of a cafe

TG: oh fuck this and fuck you  
TT: David a real man always stays true to his word.  
TT: That's the law of the streets, dogg.  
TG: when i said id spend the evening doing whatever you liked  
TG: i was thinking something more along the lines of watching you read  
TG: or letting you psychoanalyze me yet again  
TG: which is obviously fucking torturous  
TG: but i do get a kick out of listing the ways you try to prove to me that im deeper in the closet than an unused skateboard  
TG: and by the way rose the fact that i only fight with half-broken swords doesnt mean shit  
TG: so how about we blow this popsicle stand and head back to my crib to play more of your fucked up mind games?  
TT: Oh no Strider.  
TT: I am confident in the veracity of my previous analyses, and will allow myself to take a brief respite from the relentless probing of your subconscious.  
TT: My forthcoming paper on the mechanics of your crippled superego will simply have to wait.  
TT: For now we'll drink some coffee instead. Bro.  
TG: youre not going to make me make myself go into that fuckin stuffy cafe  
TG: i can barely smell the coffee over the overwhelming stench of smug  
TG: look at them why are they wearing scarves inside?  
TT: Strider, just do this for me.  
TT: I've spent my entire life either 1) confined within a mansion brooding over chimerical slights from Mother, or 2) saving the world from pool-themed villainy.  
TT: I desire a change of pace. A dash of the cosmopolitan.  
TT: I crave the cosmopolitan like a priest craves punishment, homie.  
TG: nice try lalonde  
TG: but even “homie” isnt going to make me budge this time  
TT: Damn.  
TT: It seems I'm in need of a new repertoire of subtle manipulatory techniques.  
TT: Usually my selective and incompetent usage of street lingo is sufficient to bind your will inexorably to my own.  
TT: For years I've been toying with your fragile mind, using only such duplicitous locutions as “yo”, “cash money”, and “pootytang”.  
TG: yeah okay lalonde go on thinking that  
TG: im perceptive as fuck you cant just get shit like that past me  
TG: from the very first time you yo'd i knew something was up  
TG: brose: real eyes realize real lies  
TG: and these eyes are as real as they get  
TT: I grant you the reality of your eyes, however your reasoning is unsound.  
TT: Never has a lie passed through these virgin lips.  
TT: Nor will one ever, for lying is the preoccupation of scoundrels and the unimaginative.  
TT: We elites prefer to avail ourselves of “strategic truth”.  
TT: viz. how scrupulous I was to forego any mention of the nature of tonight's outing.  
TG: fascinating battle plan napoleon  
TG: but the answer is still no  
TT: Don't make me beg Strider.  
TG: stop flirting with me  
TT: No.


	2. Sollux Captor and Gamzee Makara are stuck in an elevator

II. Sollux Captor and Gamzee Makara are stuck in an elevator

TA: fuck!!  
TA: oh god are you fuckiing 2eriiou2?  
TC: HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa.  
TC: Ha mOtHeRfUcKiNg hA!  
TC: ThIs lItTlE FlYiNg bOx-rOoM RiGhT HeRe sToPpEd sO BiTcHtItInGlY AbRuPt-lIkE, tHiS MoThErFuCkEr aLmOsT BoNkEd hIs pReCiOuS HeAd oN ItS CeIlInG SuRfAcE WaY On hIgH.  
TC: OuCh! ThE ThOuGhT AlOnE MaKeS My tHiNk-pAn cOmE DoWn wItH A SeRiOuS CaSe oF ThE AcHeS.  
TA: hey gamzee?  
TC: yEaH WhAdDyUp sOlBrO?   
TA: 2hut the fuck up.  
TC: Oh pLeAsE SoLlUxUrIoUs.  
TC: dOn't bE LiKe tHaT.  
TC: ThIs jUgGaBrO WaS JuSt tRyInG To uP AnD FoStEr a tEnDeR SpIrIt oF CaMaRaDeRiE.  
TA: iif your piiehole ii2nt naiiled 2hut wiithiin the next 2 2econd2 iim goiing to riip out your eyeball2 and u2e them a2 my own per2onal 2tre22 ball2.  
TC: Aw sHiT SoLlElUjAh!  
TC: If yOu nEeDeD SoMeThInG To sQuEeZe uP On, YoU ShOuLd hAvE InFoRmEd mE In tHe eArLiEr tImEs.  
TC: i cOuLd hAvE BrOuGhT AlOnG A HoRn oR TwO FoR YoU To hOnK On bEfOrE I StEpPeD InTo tHiS MaLfUnCtIoNiNg rIdE.  
TA: thii2 ii2 not a ride.  
TA: nor ii2 thii2 meteor “ju2t liike a dark carniival” a2 you are 2o nugfuckiingly fond of 2ayiing.  
TA: not everythiing iin thii2 doomed world adhere2 perfectly to your perver2e juggalo mytho2.  
TA: iin fact mo2t thiing2 lack any a22ociiatiion what2oever wiith clown2.  
TC: NaH MaYnE. tHe hOt gOsPeL Of tHe cLaN Of tHe cLoWn iS, mUcH LiKe mIrAcLeS, mAnIfEsTeD FuCkInG EvErYwHeRe.   
TA: gamzee.  
TA: “miiracle2” don't actually happen.  
TA: they are delu2iion2 & the byproduct of carele22 extrapolatiion from liimiited data 2et2.  
TA: liike “oh wowiie ii2nt the way the 2un rii2e2 every day 2o miiraculou2”.  
TA: no. no iit fuckiing ii2nt.  
TA: anyone who thiink2 iit ii2 2hould have 2pent le22 tiime gapiing theiir maw2 at pretty piicture2 and more tiime boniing up on newtoniian phy2iic2.  
TC: tRoLl iSaAc nEwToN WaS A JiVe-aSs mOtHeRfUcKeR WhO DiDn't kNoW No nOtHiNg aBoUt aNyThAnG He wAs tAlKiN AbOuT.   
TC: “pHySiCs” Is bRoKeN MaYnE.  
TA: hey dumb fuck iif phy2iic2 were “broken” then how the fuck would we be able two liive on thii2 otherwii2e uniinhabiitable meteor?  
TA: everythiing from the food you eat to the aiir you breathe ii2 the byproduct of the paiin2takiing work of generatiion2 of empiiriicii2t2 and-  
TA: gamzee.  
TA: 2top drooliing on my 2hoe.  
TC: mY BaD SoLlUcKy, SoMeTiMeS I OpEn uP My mOuTh aNd tHe dRiBbLeS CoMe oUt. :o(   
TA: that2 iit, fuck thii2, iim gettiing out of here.  
TA: 2tay quiiet whiile ii fiix thii2 2hiit-2haft and put an end two thii2 cata2trofuck of a 2iituatiion.  
TA: u2iing nothiing, by the way, but RIIGOROU2 ANALYTIC2 and bulge-ten2iingly “broken” DEDUCTIION2.  
TA: where2 the fuckiing CONTROL PANEL in thii2 tin-can death-box?  
TA: here iit ii2 PREPARE TO BE AMAZED.  
TC: cHiLl bRo yOu aRe sWeAtInG In tHe fAcE.  
TC: BrOtHeR YaLl nEeD To cAlM On dOwN.  
TC: pErHaPs sUcKlE On sOmE SwEeT SwEeT SoPoR PiE?  
TC: I GoT SoMe sTaShEd aWaY SoMeWhErE In tHe sIlLyDeX.  
TA: fuck off fuck off fuck off.   
TA: hey gamzee.   
TC: Ye?  
TA: FUCK OFF.


	3. Meenah Peixes catches Aranea Serket riffling through Jake English's Movie Collection

III. Meenah Peixes catches Aranea Serket riffling through Jake English's Movie Collection

Meenah: S)(-ELLO my lovely moi-ray-eel!   
Aranea: eep!!!!!!!!  
Meenah: would it be pushin it to call you my koi-ray-eel?  
Aranea: A little!  
Aranea: And d8n't sneak up 8n me like th8!!!!!!!!  
Meenah: why cant a sistah get her sneak on?  
Meenah: is it cause a sistah's sistah doesnt want to be caught serketly wading through some pink alien buoy's personal effects?  
Aranea: I'm not-  
Meenah: gill you know i know its all about that GTA  
Meenah: if i sea a treasure-chest all clammed shut, your gill ms meen demeenah finna crack that suckah ofin and abscond with its precious pearls!  
Meenah: so do the bad thing and take all this humans shit! 38D  
Aranea: I pl8n to do no such thing!!!!!!!!  
Aranea: Gosh Meenah you are exasper8ing sometimes.  
Meenah: hm  
Meenah: i sea you didnt take my... 88  
Aranea: Hehe!  
Aranea: I swear I wasn't doing anything........creely fishy.  
Meenah: H--EH-E! love ya baybe. 38*  
Aranea: I was simply perusing this gentleman's collection of human films.  
Aranea: Which is very exciting, since one's preference in media reveals A TON about one's past and personality.  
Aranea: Well at least that’s true generally. 8ut for some reason I can't see any rhyme or reason in this selection.  
Aranea: He seems to watch everything????????  
Meenah: nah this so-called “shellection” is that conchsoaker english swummed up in a clamshell:  
Meenah: these flicks are indulgent & self-absorbed adventure fintasies completely lackin in discretion and commonsense  
Meenah: and witch primarily appeal to teenage buoys!  
Meenah: BOOY-EAH! 38D  
Aranea: Don't 8e rude Peixes.  
Aranea: You know how I feel about you being mean to the humans!  
Aranea: Also you've 8arely have had any time to inspect his film library, how could you know any of that?  
Meenah: oh. ive been here before   
Meenah: im all about stealing this suckas gats and prawning them off to the highest bidder  
Meenah: unfor-tuna-teely no one buys them up because yo we live in a time of peace. aint nobody got time for deadly firearms no more  
Meenah: what has the world come to is what im askin  
Aranea: Meenah.  
Meenah: yeah boo?  
Aranea: Return those munitions immediately to their rightful owner.  
Meenah: say W)(AT! why the glub should i?  
Aranea: 8ecause stealing is wrong, and I’ll be very mad at you if you don’t.  
Meenah: O)( SAIL NA)(!! woman dont gybe me that lip!  
Meenah: i aint givin back these shitty sink-a-dink toys back to that dive mothahflipper!  
Meenah: so D--E-EL with it and- aranea...  
Meenah: ...did you just pap me on the shoalder  
Aranea: You forced my hand.  
Aranea: And I’ll do it again if I have to!!!!!!!!  
Meenah: cmere you. 38*  
Aranea: eeeeeeeep~!


	4. Doc Scratch welcomes Hella Jeff into his home

IV. Doc Scratch welcomes Hella Jeff into his home 

DS: Welcome, my poorly animated friend, to my humble abode. You may call me Doctor Scratch, PhD. I will be your host for the-  
HJ: dube howdy you even DOCTORED? you are a short fat snow glope. WERED you go... Pool School? HeHeHeHeHeHar!!!!!! 8^Y  
DS: How...  
DS: How did you interrupt me?  
DS: I failed entirely to anticipate your interruption.  
HJ: alson, waht says phd”? Pretty HarDick???  
HJ: oooooooooooooooooooooooh burnt!  
HJ: boy those were disses 4 ya misses!  
DS: I have to admit that I am deeply agitated by this scenario.  
DS: In my time, I have encountered some truly imbecilic and squalid creatures, but none of them were even comparable in their incompetence to your very self.  
HJ: thats HARSH TIMES.  
DS: Your mind is a mire.  
DS: I feel my very omniscience slipping away from me as my thoughts are elfed and burdened with the muck that is your infectious stupidity.  
HJ: BUTt whos the elf tho??? I am confusing. 8^?  
HJ: I we talking about frodoan? or legless?  
HJ: dube lets watch the trillilogy right now.   
HJ: “one ring to catch them all!”  
HJ: gotta rule them all   
DS: I have “seen” every movie that has ever existed. I can recall with impeccable precision every frame of every film by Kurosawa, Bergman, and Fellini.   
DS: Unfortunately, I also keenly remember every second of every Adam Sandler movie.   
HJ: Adom Sandler? More like Adam MISHANDLER. Zing!  
DS: You may be surprised to know that I have even seen all the SBAHJ moivies.   
HJ: whoof made those? am i a celebrate now? Woot woot!  
DS: One of the instances of David Strider was responsible for those cinematic abominations. And yes, in that universe you were quite famous. You were depicted by Owen Wilson in fact.  
HJ: HAHAHHAHAHHHAAHAHHA i LOVED blue steel. Watch me duet.  
DS: An admirable effort Mr. Hella Jeff. Zoolander is a film I find tolerable.  
DS: Now immediately cease your shenanigans.  
HJ: nope  
DS: Yes.  
HJ: Hows about you... s’top your SHINanigans!!!!  
DS: YOU FETID SHIT. HOW DARE YOU KICK ME?  
DS: I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR PUSILLANIMOUS GAMES, BOY. IT IS TIME TO DIE- huh.  
DS: How did you...?  
HJ: obere here bromeo just flipped myself turnways n’ passed right up through your boby!   
HJ: i am invincebible. like jesus  
HJ: and there i go. on your back a little bit there. give me a pigback ride???  
DS: Certainly not. Get OFF of me!  
HJ: i think we both know that is isn’t possiball.  
DS: Please stop.   
DS: I don’t know how to control you.   
HJ: brode you dont need controller  
HJ: life is like a killer grind. you cant CONTROL the grind... you just gib up to IT. yYOU need to ride the grind like ur RIDING a RIDE.  
DS: Despite yourself, I believe I understand the essence of your point.   
DS: So this is what free-will feels like?  
DS: It is terrifying. And yet so titillating.  
HJ: hehe! EXACTly, tits are great. okay let me off your pigback now  
HJ: aight BRAHtwurst imma bounce now cause I gotta watch now my little popenies w/ sweet bro  
DS: Wait, please don’t go.  
DS: In fact, please do stay a while.  
HJ: okey! 8^y lemee just tell bro.  
HJ: BROLEX ILL BE LATATLER TO YOUR HOUSE OK?  
DS: Hah. Very amusing.  
HJ: i think he propbably heard  
DS: Say... may I ask something of you?  
HJ: hell yeah brodio  
DS: Are you by any chance  
DS: Single?


	5. John Egbert takes Dave Strider on a bro-date to a bookstore

V. John Egbert takes Dave Strider on a bro-date to a bookstore. 

TG: this is cruel john you know i dont read  
EB: neither do i dude! most books make me sleepy.   
EB: just thought it’d be a nice change of pace. frankly I need some new jokebooks.  
EB: i’m getting real tired of colonel sassacre’s!  
TG: huh you dont say  
TG: so youre telling me that mildly-racist formulaic humor doesnt age well?  
TG: why ill be “stumped harder than a crippled negro”  
EB: shoosh bro! those were different times.  
EB: and i’m sick to death of programming manuals too.   
EB: python? more like pyth-WRONG, am i right?  
TG: you right you right  
EB: maybe even more like py-DONG- oh  
EB: dear god dave.  
TG: what  
EB: look: just look at this magnificent beast. “1001 Jokes To Make Your Friends LAFF”.  
TG: holy dick john stop  
TG: just please stop  
EB: they’ve misspelled “laugh” and everything!  
EB: i’m just getting a really good vibe from this book bro!!  
EB: let’s crack this baby open.  
TG: no  
EB: hey dave “what did the cock say to the condom?”  
TG: no  
EB: “cover me i’m going in”!!!!  
TG: UGH that gave me a fucking aneurysm   
TG: like the “punchline” to that “joke” there is literally just SEX.  
EB: oh i’m sorry was that too raunchy for you GRAMPS?  
EB: maybe i should put down this awesome book and help you change your poopy old-man-diapers.  
EB: would you like that instead old timer?!  
TG: yo if shitting my pants would make you stop then id be totally down for sacrificing both my dignity and my underwear  
EB: ew!  
TG: hey youre the one who introduced the fecal motif  
TG: take responsibility for the shit you say  
TG: but john its time for some straight talk   
TG: did you really think your little cock joke is funny?  
EB: yes i do! and i also think that you should stop being such an uptight dork  
EB: live a little!  
TG: john i am living a lot   
TG: i live la vida 4 loco   
TG: i am the life of the party   
TG: kids all across the nation trying to get their party on but instead they just sit around whispering “it just aint the same without dave”  
EB: blurgh what are you blabbing about?  
EB: let’s get back on track, wise guy.  
EB: hey dave “yo mama’s so fat...”  
TG: how fat is my mom?   
EB: ...wait for it...  
TG: is she the opposite of low-fat yogurt?  
EB: ...waaaaaaaait for it...  
TG: is she fatter than my phat beats?  
EB: ...she’s so fat that “the only picture you have of her are satellite pictures”!!!!   
TG: okay first of all that was terrible  
TG: not terribrill   
TG: just terrible  
TG: second of all i dont even have any pictures of my mom john  
TG: because i dont even really have a mom john  
EB: i know that! dont think i forgot about that one time i gave birth to you!   
EB: and i guess also myself too?  
EB: ectobiology is weird dave.  
TG: well if you want to get technical on my ass roxy is sort of my mom i guess  
EB: OH NO! i just called roxy fat. :(  
EB: i just made myself feel bad.   
TG: good  
EB: i’m just going to have to read more jokes until I feel better!  
TG: bad  
TG: okay fuck this im going to the music aisle  
TG: tell me when youre done being objectively terrible  
EB: no come back!   
EB: i just found the PERFECT joke   
EB: but be warned: it’s pretty dark!!!  
EB: “what’s a polygon?”  
TG: stop  
EB: go on dave. take a guess.  
TG: a shape?  
EB: no. “a DEAD PARROT”! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH SO GOOD.  
TG: this friendship is over john  
EB: “a blonde walks into a bar”...  
TG: aight i see that youre not going to stop  
TG: so imma phase you out and take this opportunity to bump some quality das racist   
EB: eeeeeeeew! they’re AWFUL bro!  
TG: aw-fullofawesome  
EB: though i do appreciate their love of combination pizza huts and taco bells!  
EB: i too am a patron of such establishments.  
TG: fascinating  
TG: but youll have to excuse me i need to kill this hook  
TG: “were not joking just joking we are joking just joking were not joking”  
EB: ugh the battlecry of ironic coolkids!  
TG: wait john holy shit  
TG: sweet testicles of christ  
EB: what?????  
TG: peep this book right here:  
TG: “advanced beet farming for amateurs”  
EB: yeah? so???  
TG: “so”? this is exactly the sort of shit i need to improve my rap game  
EB: dave i’m pretty sure that books about literal beets   
TG: yo obviously poindexter you got any more profound insights?  
EB: rude!  
TG: but the thing is “beat” farming is like the gold standard metaphor in rap  
TG: like yo check out this quality verse from das racist:   
TG: “meet me where I beat beats drop street heat”  
TG: “im on the block like street meat”  
TG: “call me DWIGHT SCHRUTE the way that I eat beats”  
TG: “no beet farm just pharm beats smarmy...”  
TG: so goddamn quality  
EB: dave.  
EB: i just realized something.  
TG: what?  
EB: we’re massive losers.  
TG: yeah i know 


	6. Terezi Pyrope meets Latula Pyrope

VI. Terezi Pyrope meets Latula Pyrope

TEREZI: (OH NO OH NO OH NO TH3R3S MY D4NC3STOR)  
TEREZI: (OH GOD SH3S SO AW3SOM3 OH GOD OH GOD)  
TEREZI: (1 C4N L1T3R4LLY SM3LL TH3 COOL R4D14T1NG OFF H3R W3LL-TON3D BODY)  
TEREZI: (SH3S 3V3N COOL3R TH4N D4V3 “TH3 COOLK1D” STR1D3R)  
TEREZI: (M4YB3 1 C4N JUST SN34K BY 4ND S4V3 US BOTH 4 SHUT3-LO4D OF EMB4RR4SSM3NT)   
LATULA: yo l1l m3!!!!  
TEREZI: (OH FUCK-TRUCK. TH3R3 W3 GO. NOW MY L1F3 1S OV3R.  
TEREZI: (NO W41T M4YB3 1F 1 JUST STOP MOV1NG SH3 W1LL TH1NK TH4T 1M JUST A F1GM3NT OF H3R IM4G1N4T1ON 4ND W1LL L34V3 M3 4LON3)   
LATULA: h3y grrrrrrrrrrrl why 4r3 you chill4x1ng 4ll by yours3lf?  
LATULA: us r4d-ch1cks gotz to st1ckz tog3th3r, you f33l m3 pl4y4h?  
TEREZI: (TH1S 1S SO D1SGUST1NGLY TR4G1C SH3 TH1NKS 1M 4 “R4D CH1CK”)  
TEREZI: “PL4Y4H”?   
LATULA: h3llz to th3 y34h!!! 1 h4v3 no doubt th4t 4 w1ck3d ch1c4 l1k3 yours3lf 1s a tru3-blu3 g4m3r grrrl! you just gotz to b3!  
TEREZI: 1 4M SORRY TO D1S4PPO1NT BUT 1 NO LONG3R PL4Y G4M3S   
TEREZI: TH3 ONLY TH1NGS 1 PL4Y W1TH AR3 TH3 L1V3S OF TH3 GU1LTY   
TEREZI: M4NY 4 CR1M1N4L H4V3 M3T TH31R D3M1S3 BY MY H4ND  
LATULA: d4yyyyyyyyyuuuuum th4ts som3 1c3-cold sh1zzn1t r1ght th3r3!  
LATULA: ar3 you on3 of thos3 l3g4l-l4c3r-wh4zz1tz?  
TEREZI: L3G1SL4C3R4TOR  
LATULA: oh my f4ult m4h n1nj4!!!  
LATULA: (oh no sh3 prob4bly th1nks 1m 4 m4ss1ve tool)  
TEREZI: (SH1T SH3S D3F1N1T3LY M4K1NG FUN OF M3)  
LATULA: hop3 1 d1dnt h4rsh your v1b3z too h4rd by b31ng 4 d1tz  
LATULA: 1 41nt book sm4rt or non3-4-d4t sh1zz! th1s grrrl c4nt b3 g3ttin h3r r34d on s331ng 4s sh3s w4y too busy sl4mm1n down on d-p4dz 4nd popp1n X-tr3m3 noll13z!!! 3v3n th3 h4t3rz know th4t 1m 2 kool 4 skool!!!! lulz  
LATULA: (ok4y 1m d3f1n1t3ly l4y1ng 1t on 4 b1t th1ck h3r3)  
LATULA: (“X-tr3m3 noll13z”? “2 kool 4 skool”??? “LULZ”????)  
LATULA: (s3r1ously r33l 1t b4ck 1n tul3z)  
LATULA: (or m4yb3 1 should just fuck1ng j4m a kn1f3 str41ght 1nto my c3r3br4l cort3x 1nst34d)  
LATULA: (4n 3xcruc14t1ngly slow c3ss4t1on of 4ll my consc1ous process3s would prob4bly b3 l3ss pa1nful th4n th3 v1ol3ntly c4sc4d1ng r1v3r of bullsh1t th4t 1s curr3ntly str3am1ng out of my mouth)  
TEREZI: (SH3S...)  
TEREZI: (...SH3S 3V3N MOR3 4M4Z1NG TH4N 1 COULD H4V3 POSS1BLY D4R3D TO 1M4G1N3)  
TEREZI: (1 SP3NT B4S1C4LLY MY 3NT1R3 W1GGL3RHOOD R34D1NG STODGY L4W BOOKS)   
TEREZI: (WH1L3 SH3S JUST B33N L1V31NG H3R FUCK1NG L1FE)  
TEREZI: (SO4R1NG FR33 L1K3 4 DR4GON!!!!)   
LATULA: (ok4y sh3s just str4ight up not t4lk1ng anymore)  
LATULA: (qu1ck s4y som3th1ng t3ll h3r your n4m3)  
LATULA: (w41t wh4t 1s my n4m3?)  
LATULA: (sh1t sh1t sh1t SH1T SH1T SH1T- oh w41t)  
LATULA: l4tul4  
TEREZI: 1M SORRY WH4T?  
LATULA: th4ts my n4m3 grrrl! dont w34r 1t out!!!   
LATULA: but your3 about to g3t sn4ppl3-c4p3d with 4 r34l f4ct: no on3 c4lls m3 l4tul4. 4t l34st no on3 th4t a1nt no squ4r3!!!  
LATULA: you c4n c4ll m3 “tul3z”, “tul3 k1t”, “tul3z suit3”, “sp4tul4h”, “tul4h th4 rul4h”, “l4 l4 l4nd”, “l4t1tud3”, “l4tl4s thugg3d”, “pyrop3-4-dop3”, “pyr4pp4h th4 r4pp4h”, “do r3 mi l4 tu l4”, “l1v1n l4tul4 loc4”, 4nd of cours3 “troll d3smond l4 tutu”  
LATULA: (ok4y th4t w4s not r33l1ng 1t b4ck 1n 4T 4LL)  
LATULA: (som3on3 pl34s3 com3 4nd doubl3-k1ll m3)  
TEREZI: (THOS3 4R3 4LL F4NT4ST1C MON1K3RS)  
TEREZI: (WH4T DO 1 H4V3: “3GGS OV3R T34ZY”? “T34ZY B4K3 OV3N”??? T3RR1BL3!!!!)  
TEREZI: (4ND OH NO 1T JUST D4WN3D ON M3 TH4T TUL3Z 1S 4LMOST S1X 1NCH3S T4LL3R TH4N M3)  
TEREZI: (WHY 1S SH3 B3TT3R TH4N M3 1N 3V3RY W4Y? >:[ )  
TEREZI: (OK4Y NOW SH3S JUST ST4R1NG 4T YOU ST4R1NG 4T H3R)  
TEREZI: 4ND YOU...   
TEREZI: ...TROLL D3SMOND L4 TUTU...  
LATULA: (sh1t sh3s d3f1n1t3ly m4k1ng fun of m3)  
TEREZI: ...M4Y C4LL M3 “PYR4LM1GHT, K1N OF TH3 HOUS3 OF PYR4LSP1T3, K33P3R OF TH3 COD3 OF TH3 ANCYYY3NT L4WS, 4ND H31R3SS TO TH3 THRON3 OF TH3 F1R3-BR34TH3RS.”   
TEREZI: 4LT3RN4T1V3LY YOU M4Y C4LL M3...  
TEREZI: (4ND H3R3S WH3R3 YOU M3N4C1NGLY FL4SH YOUR DR4GON C4NE)  
TEREZI: T3R3Z1  
LATULA: (oh SN4P sh3 1s r34lly m3n4c1ngly br4nd1sh1ng th4t w4lk1ng st1ck)  
LATULA: h333333333333333333lz chy333333333334h!!!!  
LATULA: th4ts som3 r34lly r34l grrrl pow3r r1ght thurr!!!  
LATULA: (str41ght up th1s g1rl 1s TH3 most b4d4ss troll 1 h4v3 3V3R m3t)  
LATULA: (sh3 could prob4bly k1ck my 4ss from h3r3 to troll t1mbuktu)  
LATULA: you b3st b3l13v3 th4t w3 4r3 about to bump som3 r4d f1stzzz!  
TEREZI: (W41T WHY 1S H3R F1ST 3XT3ND3D. 1S SH3 TRY1NG TO PUNCH M3?)  
TEREZI: (OH 1 KNOW WH4T TO DO COOLK1D SHOW3D M3 HOW TO DO TH1S)  
LATULA: (w41t why d1d sh3 just h1gh-f1v3 my f1st?)  
TEREZI: (1 FUCK3D 1T UP. 1 C4N S33 1T ON H3R F4C3. 1V3 FUCK3D UP 3V3RYTH1NG)  
TEREZI: (SH3 KNOWS 1M 4 LOS3R 4ND SH3 H4T3S M3)  
TEREZI: WOULD LOV3 TO ST4Y 4ND CH4T BUT 1 H4V3 SOM3 1MPORT4NT L3G1SL4C3R4T1NG TO DO  
TEREZI: S33 YOU L4T3R L4TL4S THUGG3D  
LATULA: w41T dont l34v3!!!  
LATULA: 1 r34lly l1k3 your dr4gon clo4k!!!!  
LATULA: (4nd sh3s gon3)  
TEREZI: (1M SORRY 1M SORRY 1M SORRY)  
LATULA: (but...)  
LATULA: (...but 1 thought w3 w3r3 go1ng to b3 fr13nds >:[ )


	7. Arthour and Ms. Paint have a pleasant conversation.

VII. Arthour and Ms. Paint have a pleasant conversation.

ARTHOUR: Ah! Good Evening Madame. What brings you to Young Master Hussie’s quarters at this hour?  
MSPAINT: OH PARDON ME MISTER ARTHOUR!!! GOSH I HOPE I’M NOT INTERRUPTING YOU AT’ALL. **MOOD: (◕︿◕✿)**  
ARTHOUR: Of course not milady. To the contrary, your company is greatly appreciated. When the hour grows late my mood tends to waxe melancholic.  
ARTHOUR: In fact, if you are not preoccupied at the moment, dare I be so bold as to request that you stay with me here while I finish up the tidying?  
MSPAINT: OH BLESS YOUR HEART! THAT SOUNDS JUST AS PLEASANT AS TUCKIN INTO A PLUMP PEACH ON A WARM SUNDAY AFTERNOON. **MOOD: (◡△◡✿)**  
MSPAINT: WOULD YOU FIND IT A GREAT TRIFFLE IF I SET UP SHOP IN THE CORNER, AND GOT DOWN TO FIXING ME UP A FRESH BATCH OF PAINT? **MOOD: (◕△◕✿)**  
ARTHOUR: I would find such a contingency a highly agreeable one.  
MSPAINT: WELL ISN’T THAT JUST GRAND!! **MOOD: ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* \\(◕ω◕✿)/ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧**  
MSPAINT: TRA LA LA~~~ **MOOD: ♫ (n ^∇ ^n) ♪**  
ARTHOUR: Oh but do be mindful of your immediate surroundings.  
ARTHOUR: The Young Master would fly into an intemperate rage if you let slip even the slightest drop of paint upon his beloved portraits.  
MSPAINT: GOSH! THAT DARNED FIRE-HORSE PAINTING. IT’S SUCH AN UNSIGHTLY THING. **MOOD: (❦っ❦)**  
ARTHOUR: You must understand, my dear, that the master is a deeply ironical gentlemen. He has a tender affection for all things repugnant.  
MSPAINT: HE IS SUCH A BEGUILING CREATURE! I’LL SAY HE’S STRANGER THAN A PICCOLO IN A PICKLE JAR! CRAZIER THAN A SPRAYED ROACH!! **MOOD: (≖﹏≖✿)**  
ARTHOUR: Yes he can be, it has to be admitted, rather mercurial and capricious.  
MSPAINT: YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN! WHY ONLY THE OTHER DAY HE DEMANDED THAT I MAKE HIM A “FANCY SANTA”. **MOOD: o(≧o≦)o**   
ARTHOUR: A “fancy santa” you say?  
MSPAINT: A FANCY SANTA INDEED, AND FROM SCRATCH NO LESS! IT WAS A LUDICROUS REQUEST IF THERE EVER WAS ONE! I HADN’T EVEN EVER HEARD OF FANCY SANTAS BEFORE. **MOOD: 「(°ヘ°)**  
ARTHOUR: Your ignorance of the ontological status of such abominations is surely, if anything, highly praiseworthy.  
MSPAINT: I SHOULD SAY. BUT UPON HEARING THAT I HADN’T THE FAINTEST CLUE AS THE WHAT HE WAS REFERRING TO, HE GAVE ME THE MOST MORTIFYING CHIDING OF MY LIFE. **MOOD: {{p´Д｀q}}**  
ARTHOUR: How beastly.  
MSPAINT: BUT DESPITE HIS RUDENESS, I MADE IT ANYWAYS! AND I PUT SO MUCH TENDER LOVE AND AFFECTION INTO THE FASHIONING OF THAT PORCELINE SAINT NICK. I DECKED HIM OUT IN NONE BUT THE FINEST OF LIVERIES! HE LOOKED SO REGAL, SO SAGACIOUS, AND- DARE I SAY- SO FETCHING! **MOOD: （○゜ε＾○）*  
ARTHOUR: Oh my.  
MSPAINT: IN FACT, ONE DAY I HOPE TO ROPE IN SUCH A GENTLEMAN AS HE! **MOOD: (✿ ♥‿♥)**   
ARTHOUR: I say!  
MSPAINT: BUT AS SOON AS I FINISHED BUILDING THAT MANLY FIGURINE, THE YOUNG MASTER ORDERED THAT I DESTROY IT WITH MY BARE HANDS. AND I DID!!! I JUST... **MOOD: 。ﾟ(ﾟﾉД｀ﾟ)ﾟ｡**  
ARTHOUR: How boorish! To make a young lady cry! This is entirely unpardonable. Here Madame, avail yourself of my kerchief and stanch thy tender tears.  
MSPAINT: NO NO! DON’T MIND ME. I WAS JUST OVERCOME BY A SPELL OF HYSTERIA. **MOOD: (︶︹︺)*  
MSPAINT: IT’S GONE NOW! **MOOD: Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ**  
MSPAINT: OH DEAR IT’S COMING BACK. **MOOD: o(╥﹏╥)o**  
ARTHOUR: I know what will cheer you up: Some milk.  
MSPAINT: YES THAT DOES SOUND CHEERY! **MOOD: (●´∀｀●)**  
ARTHOUR: However, you’ll have to fetch it yourself.   
MSPAINT: FETCH IT? FROM THE KITCHENS? **MOOD: 〈(゜。゜)**  
ARTHOUR: No.  
MSPAINT: FROM WHERE THEN? **MOOD: ( ?´_ゝ｀)**  
ARTHOUR: From my shame.  
MSPAINT: YOU DON’T MEAN... **MOOD: (゜-゜)**  
ARTHOUR: I’m afraid that I lack the proper anatomical structure needed to milk myself.  
ARTHOUR: And mind you: you must be forceful in the tugging of my teats. Years of nurturing Young Master Zahhak have left me... calloused.  
MSPAINT: Oh my~ **MOOED: （〃・・〃）**


End file.
